Wake Up in the City

Greetings from…  Brooklyn, New York!  I am feeling the heat and humidity that you can only experience in a New York apartment.  I am tired.  I left this morning and was on the road for eleven and a half hours.  Thank God for sugar and caffeine.

My final show was more or less a sell-out.  There were six empty seats at 5:00pm on Saturday.  That was pretty damn cool, eh?  All in all, I had a great experience in Indy – two sell-out shows and three moderately attended shows.  I met some really cool people, and got more feedback!  The local improv group Indyprov had me in one of their shows as a guest performer.  It was fun doing improv again.  And the folks from Get Down(sized)! want me to come to Green Bay, Wisconsin, to perform for a couple of weekends at their theater.  I look forward to that!

The final party was Sunday night, and there was an open bar and free food.  I saw the free food from a distance and thought it was dishes of delicious pasta, but when it got closer, I saw it was Chex mix.  How is that for a let down?

All told, I saw twenty-four shows in Saskatoon and sixteen in Indianapolis.  I performed six shows in Saskatoon, five in Indianapolis, as well as showcases and guest appearances.

Well, this is it, guys.  My tour ends here.  Thanks for reading, everyone.  I am amazed by the amount of hits my blog has gotten.  Actually, I have some requests…

First off, if you enjoyed the blog and want to comment or if you have feedback about the show (and you know I’m looking for that), please write a comment.  I would love to know who has been reading my blog.

Secondly, I’m performing the show in New York at UNDER St. Marks in September.  It’s a basement space.  I am promoting through word-of-mouth, so please come if you’re in New York, and if you’re not, then tell your New York friends.  This is the show that is the centerpiece of all this blogging, so you can come and see what all the fuss is about.  Feel free to come up to me and tell me you’re a blog reader – it would be great to meet you, if I haven’t already.

While we’re on the subject, Jason Webley – the guy I saw performing under the bridge in Saskatoon – has made it to New York, too.  He’ll be at the Living Room in September.

I had a great time doing the tour and hope to tour more extensively next year.  Yes, that will mean more blogging from me!

I guess I would like to end this by saying that if you shit that you have to constantly deal with in your life, make a one-person show about it.  It’ll help.

Take Off, You Hoosier

I wasn’t expecting much for my 4:30pm Thursday show, but I actually got a decent crowd. This time there were more paying customers than Monday night, when I had a lot of performer comps. I was feeling kind of dopey during the show and was having a good time. I just happen to find certain things funny, even though I’ve said them in every show!

Last night’s show at 10:03pm Friday… I shouldn’t say I was disappointed in the audience because the dancers from A. and Jennifer from Confusion came out to see it, but both shows before mine in my space sold out, as did at least two other shows in other locations. I really was hoping for a sell out! I didn’t get one, even though I had flyered many many people tonight. Maybe that doesn’t work. I had about twenty people. Brian Malow was up against me and also didn’t get a great house. Now, Testecles & Ye Sack of Rome was also up against me, and they did pretty well, but I don’t think they sold out either. So I guess many people went home after seeing the prime time shows. Damn, I wish I had more 8:00pm shows. I think a lot of us do. Hey, I can’t really complain. I’m still getting paid very well to perform, unless you factor in expenses. Let’s not do that.

Many of the volunteers here are senior citizens, which is unusual but nice. One older woman introduced me as “the guy who’s going to do whatever it is that he’s going to do.” I came out and said, “Hello. I’m the guy who’s going to do whatever it is that I’m going to do.” She’s a sweet lady. Last night she brought me this old sheet music for a song called “You Tell Her I Stutter.” “I can’t take it with me, so I want you to have it,” she said. Isn’t that nice? Then I took some pictures of her and she said, “Do you want me to take my teeth out for this picture?” Thinking she was kidding, I said, “Sure!” Well, it turns out she wasn’t kidding.

I have immersed myself in the culture of Indianapolis. I visited the War Memorial Museum, the Civil War Museum, the Eiteljorg Museum (Native American), and the Indiana State Museum.

The Indiana State Museum is a very amusing place because they begin the history of Indiana with the solar system forming. Then we see the earth beginning to take shape, and the little land that emerges from the sea is Indiana, along with a few other places. Just think – if Saskatoon was also an early land emergence, I could have toured back then! At any rate I was amazed that they took their history back that far.

It’s been fun in Indianapolis seeing shows and hanging out with the other performers. My next show is today at 5:00pm. I don’t think I’m going to aggressively flyer people today. I think most people have made up their minds what they are going to see today. I’d rather save my cards for New York.

New Zoo Review

From NUVO, an Indianapolis weekly:

Hooray for Speech Therapy *** (out of five)

“A softball question – where have you been all day – haltingly delivered propelled young Kurt Fitzpatrick into the world of speech therapy, where he encounters people who find fluency by talking to dogs, therapists with celebrity-sized egos and, at a therapy “boot camp” in Roanoke, Va., a Camaro-driving gym rat with an overbearing mother who opens Kurt’s eyes to steriods, stunt driving and male bonding. Hooray for Speech Therapy isn’t going to replace David Sedaris’ Me Talk Pretty One Day as the standard bearer for humorist/stutterer memoirs – it is neither as funny nor as revealing – but it is an engaging and well-intentioned piece, full of warmth and good natured humor.”

Kurt’s response:

I think this is a pretty fair review and it gives a vibrant and interesting description of the show (much of which is from my press kit description). David Sedaris actually was dealing with a lisp in his memoir, but I do agree that I’m not at his level at this point in time. And, hey, I’ve grown half a star since my last review! I’ve been drinking milk, you know.

My venue in the Indianapolis Fringe.

A Rose is a Rose is a Rose

Last night’s show was a disappointment in terms of audience, especially since Saturday’s show was technically a SELL OUT! I had a decent crowd of performers there. Performers get comped, you see. At the end of the show I said that any performers in the crowd can take this time to plug their shows. After hearing plugs for half the shows in the festival, I asked, “Is there ANYONE here who actually paid?” One woman raised her hand and I said that I would be using tonight’s box office take to buy one domestic beer. Well, there were more paying customers than that, but you get the point.

It was all worthwhile because afterwards I hung out with the “Sound and Fury” guys and Brian Malow and they gave me some good feedback on my show. They wanted to hear different kinds of stuttering, the history of speech therapy, and different techniques that are out there. It does seem that the “technical” aspects of the show seem to be the most engrossing. This goes along with the advice I received in Canada to tone down on the “schticky” parts of the show. I had written an earlier blog saying I wanted feedback, and now I’m getting it! I should have done this long ago.

With Sound & Fury and cast members of "A."

For me to make major adjustments, I would need some time. Right now the show will stay how it is, although I’m making minor changes as I go along. The show is two years old and there are bits that I’ve “outgrown,” I guess you could say. Soooo maybe I’ve gotten better. I’ve been thinking of developing another show that has nothing to do with speech therapy and tour with that and then maybe the next year come back with a revised version of Hooray. It may be so different that it will be a different show.

Today I had my interview with the Indy Music Channel. I sat in the green room for a while and then I met the host for some pre-show banter. The interview was done in a cheap-looking set in a studio and we talked about my show and about how many actors are stutterers. I felt like I should be doing something outragious or something, but this was a pretty straight-forward interview. Live-to-tape. They aren’t sure when it will air. Maybe Friday or Thursday. I asked for a copy of the interview and the guy said it would cost $10. The host apologized for being so tired during the interview. “I could have talked more,” he said.

My next show is Thursday at 4:30pm. That’s a prime time slot (for the unemployed). Who knows, though? I do expect my Friday show to fare well.

This coffee shop I’m in seems to have a full playlist of sad songs. “Try some caffeine! That’ll cheer you up!”

Hooray for Indy

My opening night here in Indianapolis was a FULL HOUSE! Okay, there were two or three seats empty, but technically that is a FULL HOUSE! And these people loved the show, even though it’s a hot little fifty-five seat theater. Who knew this would happen? Someone from the media was there, so this is the first time media came to a show where I had a ton of enthusiastic audience. Could a critic FINALLY give me a break? I’m not going to hold my breath on that one. I’m just hoping for more big houses.

I made friends with the cast of Get Down(sized)! They have their own comedy theater in Wisconsin which they converted from an old library. How cool is that? Also I’ve hung out with Taylor Martin, who is also a cross-dressing magician called the Glamorous Andrea Meryln. I’ve met lots of comedy and dance people, too. Comedians and dancers I hear they are called.

With Katie Guzek from "Get Down(sized)!"

This festival is smaaaaaaall compared to Saskatoon, and must be a blip on the radar compared to Edmonton. There are twenty-eight shows here compared to the sixty-plus shows that were in Saskatoon. Plus Indianapolis does not have a street festival where the neighborhood youth are “swarming” and mugging people walking down the street. I never actually saw that, but it was widely reported in the press, and – I’m going to go out on a limb here – probably wasn’t encouraging people to come to the area.

Yesterday I was going to do a promotional spot on a stage at an outdoor section of a restaurant at noon. I showed up with one other performer and no one was at the restaurant. The lady said we probably won’t get anyone outside because it’s so hot (and humid!) so we should wait until people arrive to eat inside. Then what we would do is perform our act while walking around the restaurant.

Do you, the reader of my blog, even understand this? Probably not, because it wasn’t sinking into my skull too well either. I think the woman saw that her initial plan was not viable so on the fly she came up with a really weird alternative.

Could you imagine a couple are having brunch and I approach them: “Excuse me, but would you like to hear some hilarious tales about speech therapy? Why, of course you do! Why else would you be out having brunch?” I don’t think anyone WOULD stab me with a fork, but they should.

I passed on that delightful promotional opportunity.

Tomorrow I’m doing a TV appearance! I will be on IMC – that’s the Indianapolis Music Channel! Maybe I’ll do a my two second syllable bit again. And tonight is my second Indy show – at 9pm!

Death of the Kung-Fu Master?

After three consecutive nights in $35 a night motels, I arrived in Indianapolis Thursday at 3:20pm. My tech was at 3:30pm.

Speaking of those motels… The one in Osseo, Wisconsin, had a connecting red neck bar and a pool! A $35 a night motel pool is, quite simply, a depressing body of water. It looked like something out of a horror movie. And I swam in it.

Yesterday I performed a ninety second piece – the two second syllable bit – at an opening ceremony reception. It killed! Hey, I hope all those people (and there were a lot there) actually come to the show! The performers I met were cool people. Then I spent some hours finally catching up with my writing.

I’m told this town is very conservative and people don’t know what a Fringe is. “It’s going to shake up this town!” one woman told me. While all my new Canadian comrades are in Edmonton, I’m here! Breaking new ground. I’d rather be selling out in Edmonton. But who knows what will happen here? I did notice the festival has been getting a lot of press. Good so far. Knock on wood.

My first show is tonight at 8:30pm! My theater is a cool little space and I’ve ditched the kung-fu opening. Now it’s going to have a little more of a quieter beginning. Somehow I believe that the show will survive without the kung-fu opening. Maybe because it has nothing to do with the show.

At my venue in Indianapolis.

Borderline

I’m in a library in Harvey, North Dakota right now. I left Saskatoon yesterday morning and crossed through the border in the late afternoon. That was not an easy task. I was asked a bunch of questions at the check point and then I was asked to go inside. Now, one of the things I liked about Canada was that I didn’t see cops everywhere. So it was appropriate that my welcome back into the U.S. was this experience.

I was brought inside and brought into a back room, which made me a little nervous. I used to live in Kensington, Brooklyn, and my precinct was the one where they guy was sodomized with a plunger. If you’re going to get nervous about something, this would be it!!

Once I was in the back I was told to empty my pockets to the point where they were inside out. I had to life my pants to my ankles. Then one guy took my entire wallet apart and asked me about my receipts, etc. While he did this another guy stood there and stared at me. They asked me a ton of questions:

Do you have a full time job?

Why were you in Saskatoon?

What kind of festival is that?

What kind of show did you do?

Who did you stay with?

Did you know them?

What is your address (they asked this while having my license in front of them)?

Is that your car?

Do you have drugs in the car?

Are you sure you don’t have drugs in the car?

What did you buy in Canada?

Did you go anywhere else in Canada?

So you didn’t go anywhere else in Canada?

How many clothes do you have in the car?

You’re a comedian?

Is this going to end up in one of your routines?

“Uh, no comment,” I answered.

They laughed at that. Then they had me sit in a room with FBI Most Wanted posters covering the walls. I read some of them and noticed some people had a slew of charges against them. I wondered what would happen if one of those criminals read their own rap sheet. Would they remember doing all that stuff? “Hmm. Okay, passing bad checks, attempted manslaughter, and… Armed robbery? When was that? Maybe in Dallas. My memory is going.”

The border patrol searched my car entirely and confiscated my oranges. You can’t bring Canadian oranges into the U.S. Thank God I didn’t tell them I ate one an hour before. They probably would have stuck their collective hands up my ass to get the orange that I was clearly smuggling into the U.S. Roll up your sleeves, boys.

What a way to return.

My fifth show in Saskatoon was on Saturday at 6:05pm and was awesome! It was my favorite. The audience was there to laugh and have a good time. I did a ton of improv in that one. I’ll do that if I feel that the audience is grooving with me. I felt like a superstar after that show. The general consensus is that my show got the shaft in the reviews. It deserved more than two and a half stars, or swords, or whatever it was. It may not be a five star show, but it’s more than two and a half.

That night I went to see Jason Webley perform under the bridge. He’s a musician performer who is a real experience to see. He ends his show having everyone hold their finger in the sky and watch it while spinning around twelve times. Then you get the feeling that you’re drunk. I felt more dizzy really. Then everyone cuddles up and sings a drinking song and feels the love.

My final show was Sunday at 10:05pm – an awful slot. It was the very end of the Fringe and everyone was DONE. My audience was three people, including the staff member who asked if he could come in and watch. The two paying audience members were older women, one of whom yawned quite a bit. They didn’t laugh. Not even once. And I was understanding of that because if you’re still seeing shows at that time, you’re probably burnt out on shows. I did as best as I could, and tried to feel more introspective with the story. There was no audience response to distract me, so it allowed me to really relive the experiences I was talking about. I had been asked if I wanted to perform at all for such a small house, but I said I’d do it and I’m glad that I did.

Hooray for Speech Therapy was not big box office smash in Saskatoon, but I didn’t come with any expectations. I didn’t know what I was going to get out of my experience there, but I got a lot more than I expected. I met some incredible, talented, smart performers and learned a lot. I was reaching the end of my rope in New York and I came to Canada and got the change of pace that I needed.

But life never ends. Well, actually, I guess it does. It’s called “dying.” But before we get to that I’m now going to Indianapolis! I feel like I want to go home now, but no, no! More adventures for Kurt!

The Guessing Game

Happy Saturday, I guess. Thursday was indeed a cross-section of Kurt promotion, but who knows if it will result in audience. I did the radio interview in the afternoon. It wasn’t really funny, but it was interesting, I guess. It aired yesterday afternoon, but I was doing other things so I didn’t hear it.

The next promotional stop for me was emceeing the Free Stage music show at 9:30pm. I can’t say this was a waste of my time because I was only needed for five minutes and it’s not like I would have spent those five minutes working on a cure for MS or searching for lost animals. I addressed the audience of five beer drinking teenagers and introduced So So, a white rapper. I said, “Hip hop body rockin’ doin’ the do,” and So So replied, “Beer drinkin’ breath sniffin’ sniffin glue.” We understood each other, I guess.

Yes, I had originally wondered if the Fringe parody show was a good idea. Turns out it was. They had a full house, raised money for charity, and I don’t think anyone was offended. It was a blast, but I really only got maybe thirty percent of the jokes because I hadn’t seen all the shows and many people did some real “inside” jokes. Basically everyone prepared a three-minute parody of a show they picked out of the hat a few days before.

My piece went damn well! I parioded a show called Gloomology, which is a comedy about an evil schoolmaster. I worked very hard on this piece because I have a lot of respect for the show. I was also keeping in mind that this was a chance for me to show my talents to people who haven’t seen Hooray for Speech Therapy. It was fun to do such a great character. The gist of the routine was that I, Kurt Fitzpatrick, will be taking over the role in Gloomology since, unlike Hooray for Speech Therapy, it’s getting packed houses.

The parody of Hooray for Speech Therapy was done by a very funny British guy named Ivan who has a show called A Brief History of Warfare. He prepared a whole piece, but then forgot it and just kept doing the kung fu moves that I do ONCE in my show. I actually yelled out, “I do that once!!” and he told me later that I saved him because that was when the bit finally got some laughs.

The next day I had many people come up and tell me how much they liked my routine – way more people than the ones who say they enjoyed Hooray for Speech Therapy!! Two other people came up to me in the evening to tell me how much the love Hooray and to keep doing what I’m doing.

Fringe performers Eleanor O'Brien, Cara Yeates, and Tania Levy in the legendary Saskatoon Green Room.

Just A Guy

Today was a busy day for me.  I’ve got to write and rehearse my routine for tonight, I’ve got a radio interview at 5:30pm and I’m emceeing the Free Stage concert at 9:30pm.  Then at midnight I’ve got the Fringe Parody Night, or whatever it’s called.  The radio station interview came about because of the girl I met at the border who works for the station.  I had actually met the guy earlier this week, but he didn’t tell me he was interviewing people.  I asked him if he was doing a show and he said, “No, I’m just a guy.”

My Monday night show was a lot of fun.  A lot of performers came and really got into it.  As usual with an enthusiastic audience, the improvs were the funniest parts.  I made a reference to my weak review and that got a big response.  Last night’s show was at 10:05pm and had a very small house.  My tech guy said it was my best show yet.  Who knows?  Until recently, no one has really given me any specific feedback on the show.  I would like to get that because I know that there are ways that my show could be improved, but it’s so close to me that there are things that I’m not seeing.  If you saw the show and want to give me feedback, I will welcome it.

It is COLD here in Saskatoon.  I brought clothes for ninety degree weather and now I end up having to wear the same blue Old Navy sweater every night.  That’s all I brought.

I have two more shows: Saturday at 6:05pm and Sunday at 10:05pm.  By the way, they do have Halloween in Canada.

Oh, Canada

At these festivals they find people who allow performers to live with them while the festival is going on. This is called billeting. It’s in the dictionary, but it’s a relatively new word for me. One kind woman is putting up five people who are all in the same show, and she allows another girl to come in and use the bathroom, but that girl sleeps in her van. “Good night, everyone! Enjoy your beds! I’m going out to my van now.”

Here is the problem with billeting: What if you, as a billet, go to your guest’s show and don’t like it? When I was in Cincinnati, my billeter was a finicky woman who liked almost nothing she saw. I was staying there along with Tim Mooney of Karaoke Nights. She told me she had no interest in seeing his show. I thought that was funny so I told him. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have done that. I forgot how sensitive performers can be. She then went to my show and I heard through a mutual associate that she didn’t like it. I never asked her if she saw it and she never said that she did. We became like the family who ignores the fact that Pop Pop is an alcoholic. We would sit at the breakfast table and pretend that everything is normal. Just like the empty bottle that rests underneath Pop Pop’s bed, the program for Hooray for Speech Therapy sits upon her desk.

I know that she didn’t like my show.

Tim knows she won’t see his show.

And she?

Why, she’s the matriarch, and she knows that the only way to keep this family together is to ignore the giant elephants of shame and betrayal that we have created and which now live amongst us.

Cincinnati in the background.

Having said that, my billet – Steve – came to my show yesterday. I had a 4:05pm show, and a pretty good house considering my time slot. About forty people. Back in my Unusual Suspects days we would have killed to have that many people. Steve hung around and said he did enjoy the show. Steve is a great host, and seems to enjoy the company. He was on the phone talking to someone and I heard this: “He’s doing a show on stuttering. (pause) Because he’s a stutterer. But that’s okay.”

Apparently when his aunt heard he had an American staying with him, she said, “I don’t know if you can answer this since he’s there in the house, but is he black or white?” Steve told me this, so when I met his aunt, I asked her, “Are you afraid of black people?” “Oh, no, no, no!” Still, the uncle said, “We don’t have a whole lot of coloreds here .” What is this, the fifties?

But Saskatoon is not what I would call diverse. I see a lot of people because there is a heavily populated street festival going on here every night. I might spot one black person per day. The only Asians are these two girls here with a show, and Spanish people? Forget it. If an Orthodox Jew came to town, the population would think it was Halloween. I’m not sure if they celebrate that here, though.

I’ve seen a bunch of shows, and I plan to see many more. Most of these people are traveling through town as part of a long tour across Canada. You can make a meager living doing that, although I think most of these people are living hand-to-mouth. There are one or two Fringe celebrities who do very well, and then there are the rest who are struggling to get audience and recognition. It’s a nomadic life. That girl I mentioned earlier who lives in her van isn’t the only person doing that. I don’t know if that kind of life appeals to me. Yes, I have been touring, but some people are away for four or five months at a time. I have to say what I enjoyed more about the U.S. festivals I’ve done is that those festivals are more connected to the local theater scene of the city, and it was fun to experience the theater life of San Francisco and Cincinnati. Here it’s more touring companies and not people connected with the local community. The performers have been great, by the way. Very cool people.

I have my third show tonight. My show did get reviewed in the Saskatoon Star Phoenix today. Since the theme of the festival is Camelot, they are giving out swords instead of stars. Five swords in “The Grail,” four swords is “Excalibur,” three is “Shining Armour,” two is “Joust not that good,” and one is “Monty Python.” That’s a bad sign because I love Monty Python and I would not equate Python with a low rating.

Sure enough, I received two and a half “swords.” This guy was expecting more of a hilarious stand-up show and saw something a little more personal than he was expecting. In fact, it was so personal that he said that he was “almost embarrassed to hear it.” Reviews don’t bother me, but I know people read them to determine what shows they are going to see, so now I have an uphill battle. A good review can help you up the hill. I’ve averaged about half and half good reviews and bad reviews. It’s not a broad comedy, so it’s not really for everyone and I have no idea what a critic is going to think.

A lot of people say that critics are frustrated artists. Imagine being a frustration artist going to see a show about a stutterer who has carved out some kind of living as an actor. They could very well go home more pissy than ever! Just a theory.

Thursday night will be a busy night for me. I’m emceeing a street concert and I’m involved in a weird Fringe event. At the Green Room last night, which is like a rec center/bar where performers hang out, some people announced that we should all write down our show titles on a piece of paper and put it in a bowl. Then we each pull out a name and we do a three minute parody of the show we picked out on Thursday night. An insider comedy show, if you will. They do intend on selling tickets for this, though. I felt a little weird about this because some of these people have known each other for months or years, and I’ve just met them. But, hey, what the hell. I was lucky enough to pull out a popular show that I saw and loved, so I’ve practically written my piece already. I’m taking it seriously because this a chance for me to show my stuff. The person or people I feel sorry for are the ones who have to do a Hooray for Speech Therapy. I couldn’t imagine being offended by anything, but if I was in their shoes, I wouldn’t know what to do! I look forward to seeing what happens.